Carolyn Samuels Blog

ciao ciao
Caro

ciao ciao
Caro

For you guys who haven’t dated or been in the company of a transwoman (ladyboy, shemale..etc.) here are a few tips. This is for actual dates where you meet for dinner or drinks or coffee and money is not exchanged for the company.

1) DO: Use correct pronouns. SHE is not a “He” no matter what the doctors said at birth.

2) DON’T: Tell her she looks like a woman. Compliment her on how she looks (if you feel like it), but for goodness sake don’t act surprised. That tells her you expected a “man in a dress”.

3) DO: Be punctual, or communicate if you will be running late. It’s polite and lots of TGs get stood up. Being really late with no explanation or warning tells anyone that they aren’t really important.

4) DON’T: Ask her what her “Real” name or “boy” name is. This probably brings up an unpleasant time in her life and it is often used by people to keep us in our place as “not really women” or “failed men”.

5) DON’T ask to see a picture of when she looked like a guy. Same as above but way way more. If you ever do see a picture of her from this time, understand that she is showing you herself when she was probably feeling her worst.

6) DO: Try to impress her. You don’t have to treat her like a princess, but you should use your best dating manners (ask what she likes to do, pay attention to her, smile a lot).

7) DON’T: Treat her like your buddy. It’s like above, but more. Don’t leave her alone while you chat up another girl. She won’t take that as well as your guy friends would. Walk her to her door, even if you aren’t getting sex.

DO: Understand that she is an individual and has her own likes and dislikes. It will help your cause if you don’t assume too much about her.

9) DON’T: Ask about her genitalia or transgender history in public, or at least do it quietly. Most of us try to live unobserved in our daily lives. Broadcasting that your date has or had a penis is simply not safe for either of you.

10) DO: Have fun! Take her to a place you are both comfortable, get to know each other, laugh and makes jokes, be relaxed and be prepared to have a great night with a woman who will notice and appreciate every little kindness and polite gesture you make.

ciao ciao

Carolyn

Jenn, a very sporty American, once visited me in Germany. Here is a video I made with Jenn’s pictures.

ciao ciao
Carolyn

Hi

I just got word that the The Working Girls are going to be performing in the U.S. of A. They will be in Camden Opera House in Camden, Maine on 14. Nov. 2008. If you want to buy tickets, then get the info at this link HERE.
Here is Cindy of the Working Girls again for your pleasure!!!

To look at the book I wrote, look HERE.

Recently at this year’s Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta, GA , I had the great pleasure of meeting Lisa Acosta!  Not only is Lisa a beautiful lady, physically and mentally, but she definitely has a unique story that I think everyone would like to hear. Formerly a member of Santa Monica, California’s elite SWAT team, she successfully transitioned and finally feels complete!

Gina Lance http://tglife.com

Gina Lance: Hi Lisa! Your story is certainly interesting so let’s go for it!

Lisa Acosta: The earliest memories I have in my mind (about being transgendered) are when I was five years old and playing house with the neighbor kids, and insisting on being the mom. Since then it was on and off, as a kid I would think about these things but it would go away, and they wouldn’t come back to me for awhile, and I’d say in my early teens I’d keep dressing in my mom’s clothing. When she wasn’t home I would sneak in and try on things; it wasn’t sexual at the time; I thought this is what I should be doing. Why couldn’t I be just like that? There wasn’t anything sexual about it.

As I got older it became more of a need to do it, and I would dress and obviously I was growing up and getting older and getting into relationships. I had a couple of girlfriends that I could tell anything, and when I met my current wife I was 15, in high school and within a year of knowing her I had to tell her, because I knew it was something that would come back to haunt me if I didn’t say something. So I mentioned it to her, and she thought it was kind of weird, but she really thought it was no big deal. So I thought in my head, that I have a girlfriend now and in my mind I figured it would go away. But I’m glad I didn’t mention it to her because the urge would come back to dress and to be female, and I never quite told her that. Back then there was no internet, there were no books, and I thought I was alone in the world. I did not think there was that many other ‘girls’ thinking of becoming women. I didn’t know what transsexualism was – I had no clue.

My wife and I discovered this when the internet appeared, that there were groups out there and other people who feel the way I do. So we kind of understood together what was going on. The only thing that she never expected was for me to completely transition over.

I always considered myself heterosexual; growing up I was never attracted to guys. But I knew I wanted to be a female, or I had to be. It was like my brain was not connected to my body – that’s how I felt. And I would try to take that out of my mind and do the most macho things I could do as a kid to try to prove to myself that I was curing myself, over compensating in everything I did. Sports, school… in high school I went into ROTC because I could wear the uniform and work with weapons. They’d take us to a shooting range where we could learn to shoot. So I thought this would cure me, if I do this macho thing, that other part of me has to go away.

Through the years I had all of these different jobs, and eventually I thought, being a cop… god, that’s the ultimate thing I could do. I wasn’t thinking of trying to cure myself, being a cop, but I was looking for something interesting to do in life. And I thought being a cop would be the ultimate macho job. Later I realized that maybe I’m choosing these things to overcompensate, which now I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what it was.

After I became a cop, for years at a time I wouldn’t even think about dressing, at the beginning of my career. I even grew a mustache – I thought, this will keep me from dressing because here I am with this hairy face and there’s no way I could look good in makeup. But as the years went by, the urge came back, and I would manage to somehow dress even though I had a mustache.

So basically, my wife and I got married when we were eighteen, so I thought then I was cured. Then we had our first of three children, and I thought this is it… I’ll never do this again. Again, it came back. When our second child came I think I was fooling myself that it would go away. Then number three, and I think it’s the greatest milestone in my life, my wife and kids – it’s been wonderful – I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. But that urge was always still there, it never went away, if anything it intensified as I got older. So as the kids were growing up, in my mind I’m thinking there’s nothing I can do; I’m a cop, I can’t transition on the job, I’ll lose my job. Some ten years ago you couldn’t do that. So I lived with the urge; I’d dress as much as I could, I would do it at home. My youngest must have been about fourteen when I actually started going out dressed, but I didn’t know the kids knew. My wife and I were very careful not to let them see anything. But kids are smart and they tell me now that they knew right about then, they had discovered things and put two and two together, but they never said anything to me.

At first I went to a few Tri-Ess meetings but I thought it was too stressful for me to be out, being a cop. So then I went back in the closet until I discovered another group called CHIC which is a social group. They are high security on who they let in (as members); I felt comfortable with the group, I felt safe – we use to go out as least twice a month. And that was actually my first experience with going out being relaxed and not worried. And I have to say that without them I’d probably still be in the closet – they actually taught me that I had to carry myself with class. Eventually I had to leave the group because they believe that any kind of hormones are against their by-laws; I had to leave the group because I was developing breasts. But I’m still friends with them and they still invite me to their Christmas party, it’s a friendship that truly lasted a long time!

Right before I decided to transition I had an injury at work where I hurt my lower back. And my department basically said here are your choices – you have surgery, it’s a fifty-fifty chance that you’ll be okay and can go back to work, or if it doesn’t work, you could be worse off than you are now. I chose not to have it knowing that it would end my police career, because I could be paralyzed if I was injured in a fight. So they told me I had to retire. To me, it was kind of a blessing in disguise because I thought maybe I should transition now, I don’t have that many responsibilities – my youngest had turned eighteen. So I decided, I think it’s time. The planets lined up just right! If it wasn’t for that (accident) honestly, I’d still be a cop and I’d still be a father and I’d still be doing the same things. It was a tragedy how I got hurt on the job and was forced to retire, but I turned that into a positive because I’m Lisa now and I’ve never been happier! I finally feel like I am in one world and not two worlds. It’s not easy but if I didn’t have such a positive attitude in life it wouldn’t be possible!

GL: That’s a pretty amazing story.  But in many ways, like so many others.  What do you tell people who knew you as you were before?

LA: I love to mention my former SWAT days – I love to put that in there. What I’ve done with my neighbors is sit with them, and explain to them what this is about. It’s not about sex. Basically, it’s that old thing, “it’s not about what’s between your legs, it’s about what’s between your ears. Once they get that concept it’s like…”Oh, I get it!” It’s not a sexual thing; I try to get that across. I think sex its part of it but it’s not what drives it. In my case it was just about my brain matching my body - that was it! And now I feel really happy and satisfied with my life!

Lisa lives with her wife in California and is currently looking to get back into the private security area of law enforcement part time.